Dying to Self

Life has been busy at my house this Lent. An entire week was devoted to making the wedding cake of a friend whose reception was to have 250 people. Now that's one very big cake. Actually, it was a bunch of cakes - over 15 cake mixes total and over 50 cups of frosting. The final result was very pretty, but I'm not sure I'll ever do this again for someone else. Having said that, it was certainly an experience I'll never forget. I think I prayed with every egg and cup of sugar for this young couple. That should get them through the first 50 years of marriage, don't you think?

Congratulations, Audrey and Andrew!

I have to admit that having their wedding during Lent was a challenge for me. I found it so difficult to resist tasting as I went along. ;-) And I wasn't always successful. Lent has been extra hard for me this year for some reason. My first resolution was to cut out between meal snacks. I really need to go on a diet and I thought that this would be a good first step in self-denial. I recently found out that in addition to RA, I have osteoarthritis, and my weight is a factor that makes me a high risk for other problems. What I struggle with regarding weight loss is that I have lost weight in the past only to gain it all back and then some. I am terrified of trying again only to reach a weight greater than when I started. It is sort of a lose/gain situation. Excuse the pun.

Then I tacked onto my Lenten observance by denying my extracurricular shopping which was really hard since I really enjoy shopping. I have to admit that it is somewhat of an addiction. I always seem to find some excuse to go shopping. Someone needs a gift. I need something new to wear for a particular event. You know! Any excuse will do. I can walk into a store without any specific purchase in mind and easily come out with several purchases for this very reason. Pleasure shopping is a stress reliever for me and yet, when the bills come in, there is always more stress. Now that's a lose/lose situation.

I had a conversation with my husband tonight. He was complaining about having a bad Lent - that he was making excuses to give in to this resolutions. I approached it from a different perspective. If you are caving this Lent, perhaps that's reason to call it a good Lent. It is an opportunity to know that WE are not the ones accomplishing our goals. It is only by God's Grace that we are able to live up to the goals we set for ourselves.

It got us into an entirely new conversation about the Church and her rules for the Fridays of Lent. An inventor of rules himself, I thought it interesting that he thought the rules set up by the Church are oppressive. Then I tried to explain the purpose behind the rules. Observances that ask us to deny ourselves something are intended to sort of hollow us out. The more we are hollowed out, the more we can fill up with the things of God - even God Himself! Primarily, during Lent, these are three traditional observances of prayer, fasting, and alms giving. They carve us out so that we can be filled with virtue - so that God can make us more holy through them. 

I know it's the wrong time of year, but the pumpkin story about what it is like to be a Christian sums it up beautifully. We are do die to self as God breathes His Life into us. 

                    

It is like being a pumpkin.
God picks you from the patch,
brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.

Then he cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.

He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.,
and then He carves you a new smiling face
and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.

Suffering does the same thing, if we let it. It enlarges our heart for God. Like the mythological bird, the phoenix, we are called to die to self by trusting God in all things. The resurrection is not far away. This reminds me of a poem I wrote over 15 years ago about the phoenix. I was going through a particularly difficult time in my life and realized that I was not in control. By holding on, I was only delaying my personal spiritual growth. I had to "Let go and let God" as they say. The primary image in my poem was the phoenix, the mythical bird that lives for 500 years only do die by fire and rise from its own ashes to live for another 500 years. Although you might think this is an image of re-incarnation, the phoenix is actually a symbol of the Resurrection. I think it is also a good symbol of trust and dying to self. My poem follows.

          

Canticle of the Phoenix 

Again, the time has come for me to seek the peace
Of symbol that to me will speak,
And meditate upon the lasting trust
Of Bible's Abraham, in faith found just.
 But his is faith I have not come to own;
His sacrifice is his - to me unknown.
At first I find a giant Banyan tree
With many roots and shiny leaves of green,
But bent beneath the weight of it, I think,
"This tree is not the symbol that I seek."
And soon I find an anchor on the shelf,
But cold and lifeless, it is like my self.
 My eyes then catch a sacrificial fire.
The phoenix, high upon its fun'ral pyre
'Mid waves of heat that rise and leave my sight -
Ethereal, sparkling, peacock-colored light –
 Spreads wide its lovely wings as if to fly.
Its head, thrown back in death-song's glorious cry,
In voice proclaims that death is worth it all
To sing with sweet surrender to the call.
 And deep within the joyous strains of death
Is trust triumphant in the final breath.
The cost of faith to me is now revealed;
How I must sing this death-song to be healed.
 And He who sacrificed His Life
For me is waiting - for my gift to selfless be.
But fear of dying stirs in me a dread,
And disappointment bows my humbled head.
 This final hymn is one I do not know.
Its music sings of faith and letting go.
I follow Him to find the missing key
That plays the phoenix song to set me free.
 I fin'lly understand: to sing such strains
Requires a heart that seeks Him in our pain.
The song of death – the song of trust - are one;
We cannot sing unless we hear the Son.
Yet, when it stops the death-song - still - is heard.
Like incense lifting praise unto the Lord.
Yes! When in death's abandon do we sing,
Then we shall fly on trust's triumphant wing.

Thirsting for God

The Gospel reading for the 12th Sunday of Ordinary Time is Luke 9:18-24. It begins:  

"Now it happened that as he was praying alone..."

Mother Teresa once said,

"The fruit of silence is prayer. The fruit of prayer is faith. The fruit of faith is love. The fruit of love is service. The fruit of service is peace."

There is both a history and geography of salvation. Jesus. Who is God, became a man with limitations, choosing a particular time and place to enter into history - Galilee during the reign of Herod under the Roman Empire. Like all of us, Jesus NEEDED to pray. He sought out solitude for His prayer. Peace is the goal of Jesus' prayer, yet He knew that He would have to suffer. So Jesus prayed AND He set His face toward Jerusalem. He probably prayed in a common cave that pilgrims visit in the Holy Land.

Jesus chose to have limitations - to be like us. Every time Jesus shows us that He is God in the Gospels, He first shows us that He is man. His humanity and His divinity are juxtaposed.

Jesus the Man/Jesus is God

• Incarnation (birth in a stable)/visit from the three kings
• Jesus lost at age 12/Jesus teaches the teachers
• Jesus thirsty in Samaria/Jesus tells the Samaritan woman everything she ever did
• Jesus asleep in boat during storm/Jesus calms storm
• Jesus climbs Mt. Tabor and is breathless/Jesus' Transfiguration on Mt. Tabor
• Jesus wept over death of friend, Lazarus/Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead
• Jesus suffers and dies on a cross/Jesus rises from the dead

In the Gospel reading, Jesus also affirms that He is the "Messiah of God", the Christ, the "Son of Man" and warns the Apostles not to say anything but predicts His own suffering and death before He is to rise again.

The Son of Man must suffer greatly and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed and on the third day be raised. ~ Luke 9:22

If we wish to follow Him, we must deny ourselves and take up our cross daily.

For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. ~ Luke 9:24

If we die with Him, we will also rise with Him on the last day.

For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. . . . if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him. ~ Romans 6: 5, 8

This is our inheritance. The second reading from Galatians tells us that we are all children of God in Christ Jesus, for we have been baptized into Christ. Through Baptism, we are all one in Jesus.

We belong to Him, and when we belong to Him, we are heirs of Abraham according to the promise. Our inheritance is resurrection from the dead on the last day.

The promise of the first reading from the prophet Zechariah is the promise of Jesus Christ. 

And I will pour out on the house of David and the inhabitants of Jerusalem a spirit of compassion and supplication, so that, when they look on him whom they have pierced, they shall mourn for him, as one mourns for an only child, and weep bitterly over him, as one weeps over a first-born. . . .On that day there shall be a fountain opened for the house of David and the inhabitants of Jerusalem to cleanse them from sin and uncleanness. ~ Zechariah 12:10-11; 13:1

The spirit of compassion and supplication is fulfilled in Christ who is pierced on the cross and Whose death we mourn.  Although we mourn, we also rejoice, for Christ is also the fountain that cleanses us from sin and uncleanness. Let us thirst for Him as the Psalm says.

O God, thou art my God, I seek thee, my soul thirsts for thee; my flesh faints for thee, as in a dry and weary land where no water is. So I have looked upon thee in the sanctuary, beholding thy power and glory. Because thy steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise thee. So I will bless thee as long as I live; I will lift up my hands and call on thy name. My soul is feasted as with marrow and fat, and my mouth praises thee with joyful lips, . . . for thou hast been my help, and in the shadow of thy wings I sing for joy. My soul clings to thee; thy right hand upholds me. ~ Psalm 63:1-5, 7-8